2005 Year in Review… 2006 and beyond…

My own personal Year in Review begins once again by me saying unequivocally that the seventh sign of the apocalypse did not come to pass. If you are a member of my close circle of friends, you know what the seventh sign was and I need not elaborate any further. Beyond that one tiny insignificant non-event, I'd have to say 2005 was a stellar year in the life of Dr. P. Haystack.

I began 2005 down in New Orleans with a couple of former adversaries back from my college running days. Thinking back, I was looking to the future that was to be 2005 with great joy and enthusiasm. I was basically starting in a new position at work (and I ain't talking bout the pretzel) that would lead me to traveling around the U.S. By March I had already stepped foot in 10 states including Hawaii where I spent all of February. Later I would spend most of November in Hawaii for work.

Haystack Entry #12

Pretzel - n.

1. Food found at the Mall, Baseball Games and Renaissance Faires

2. Sexual position were the chick lies on her side while the dude is kneeing between her legs, curling her right leg around his right side and straddling over her left leg.

In 2005 I hared eleven trails spread out amongst three hashes: Everyday is Wednesday, White House and Full Moon. Several of the trails were complete cluster fucks while others were rousing successes. My favorite trail, and one I'm sure will go down as one of the best of the year, was the Baseball Full Moon Hash that Wang Chunks and myself put together in July. Perfect weather, perfect trail and a tremendous time had by all who participated.

I think the most significant event of 2006 was my rediscovery of my own personal love of running. I had been toying with the idea of taking up running semi-seriously again for a while and decided to go for it this past year. The pivotal moment was during the Arlington Relay for Life were Mr. G. Showers and myself decided to run 16 miles on the track, a foolish endeavor I'll grant thee fair reader. It was during that particular run where I decided that I still have what it takes to be the runner I used to be. Later I would go back to my alma mater to run the PVI Sportsfest 5K. It's ironic that I return to the place I began my running career to jumpstart my new career. I ran am 18:10, almost exactly the same time I ran my first 5k my freshman year in High School.

I begin looking towards 2006 like I did 2005, with a sense of joy and enthusiasm, but also with a renewed sense of confidence. I am looking forward to multiple Hawaii-work trips and also of running my first two marathons: Shamrock in Virginia Beach and LaSalle in Chicago. In 2007 I plan on running Boston and then who knows, I think it'd be cool to make my way out to Amsterdam or Dublin for a marathon, a good excuse for a European sex-tour me thinks. I am not sure what 2006 holds for me, but I do know this, 2006 is going to be a great year… And who knows, maybe the angles and demons will fall asleep allowing the 7th sign to come to pass… but I ain't gonna hold my breathe over it, too much living to do.

Class of 96'... Reunite!

Now here's a thought that’s gonna give me nightmares for a while. No, it's not me getting laid, that’s a thought that would give you, my fair reader nightmares. I can gross you out by digressing some more, but I won't. I'll get to the point. I received in the mail today a card asking, well, I'll let the card speak for itself:

"Hey Class of 1996… Will you help plan the party of the year?

It's hard to believe that it is time to start planning for your 10-year PVI reunion!"

There is more, but,…y'all get the idea. Now, you know, most people will agree, if you are like me, high school wasn't exactly the highlight of your life. Well, it wasn't so bad I guess… I mean, I **did**have some fond memories… you know, like getting my ass thrown into a dumpster... multiple bloody noses… having a date go home with another guy after a school dance. Yep, just the typical stuff that happens to everyone. Ya… ok, time to stop the bullshit, I rather be the recipient of a dirty sanchez than remember the hell that was 1992-1996. Personally, I love the whole "party of the year crap". If my 10th year high school reunion is my party of the year, I need to shoot myself.

Haystack Entry #11

Dirty Sanchez - n.

1.The act of a dude sticking his finger up a chicks ass and uses the crap to give her a moustache.

I was talking to a coworker who just happens to have been a classmate at the high school I attended back in the day. We both kinda agreed that, hey, if there was anyone I wanted to keep in touch with, I probably would have kept in touch with them. Call me crazy, but finding out how much more successful I've become compared to my former classmates isn’t my idea of fun. Hmmm… maybe I need to rethink this who not going to the reunion thing…

Lord of the Sock...

Friday started the indoor track season for me. Well not sure much running, but officiating. I officiate at the zoo meets held at Thomas Jefferson Middle School. I call these events zoo meets because we have 8 to 10 schools with teams of anywhere between 50 to 100 kids per teams attending each meet. I am the clerk of course, meaning I get to organize the kids into heats for their races. Last Friday the meet held over 100 races. Needless to say these meets take a while and there are a lot of stress that goes with it. Surprisingly, most of the stress comes from dealing with the coaches and the kids' parents, not necessarily the kids. Recipients of a good skull fucking must feel more comfortable than I do dealing with individuals. The coaches in particular add at least an hour to my meet by confronting me bout how I do this and that. Luckily, I've been doing this for several years now so 1) most of the coaches know me already and 2) I'm starting to look older so they actually listen to me.

Haystack Entry #9

Skull-Fucking - n.

1. When a guy grabs the head of individual who's giving him head and proceeds to thrust as if he is fucking the mouth.

2. N/A (The second definition is too gross even for me to type up)

This past weekend I put in a 12 mile run with the training group that I put together with Jess C. in preparations for the Shamrock Marathon. We ran from Capitol South, across the memorial bridge down to the Mt. Vernon trail, over the Key Bridge and down to Wisconsin Ave… and back. I ran the first 8.5 with Fagnostic (Jonny) before taking off and hammering the last 3.5 or so. Of course I got lost on the way back, but the added mileage doesn't hurt. I am just happy that my leg injury seems to be clearing itself up. Though, today I was a bit sore, but that is more muscle fatigue than anything else.

Speaking of injuries, I am getting a pair of Nike Free 5.0 (Lance Armstrong edition) to help with injury prevention. These shoes are ten ways to awesome. Nike actually did something right for a change. The shoes are designed to allow your feet to act in their natural state, as if your walking/running barefoot. Regular shoes pad your feet and actually weaken them while barefoot training strengthens your feet thus helping prevent lower and upper leg injuries.

Next week, Jess, Jonny and I are planning on doing the Jolly Fat Man charity run sponsored some dude named the Sarge, who has some sort of program, and DC 101. I think I talked Denial High Club (Maize) into signing up as well. The run costs $35, but we get a long sleeve Under Armor T-shirt. Apparently, Flounder from DC 101 will try to run the distance, but chances are, that fat loser will run about 10 feet and then pass out. If I run the entire distance I will put in a total of 14 miles.

In non-running related news, I went to Areola and PPE's Bush Trimming party. One of several XXXmas events I will be attending this year. It is amazing the difference a year makes. Last year I was looking for crap to do, this year, my social calendar overfloweth. I have about four or five more parties to hit this season, not to mention Hash and charity meetings. I love Areola and PPE's party theme. They ask everyone who comes to bring an ornament and of course everyone brings phallic ornaments. Some of the best were the glass ones with condoms in them long with the crotch less panties. I brought as my donation a set of blue balls. Hey, I wanted to bring something that represents me.

Haystack Entry #10

Blue Balls - n. The extreme pain of aching testicles due to lack of sex, unfinished hummers, dry humping and generally not cumin on a regular basis.

Example: See Haystack's sack

Today I spent the day with the Breakfast Club made over at White Kane's. We watched Club Dread and Bad Santa. The movie Club Dread had some funny moments, a couple of tit scenes early plus a lot of blood letting. We also watched some Family Guy and Drawn Together. Wendy Late Nite got a good lesson in self-gratification while watching Drawn Together.

Oh yeah, I also got me a prisoner of war. Bawhawhaw!!! Hey Late Nite, guess what I'm doing to that sock… right… at… this… moment…