Backstory and Weekend Plans

Training – Hawaiian Style

I am on pace to put in 30 miles this week which isn’t a bad start. Last week I was very ill and I have been trying to get over a nasty ankle sprain. To recap, about four weeks ago I was out with KP and Crosley, we ended up in Adams Morgan somehow. We were bar hopping and the female member of our party needed to use the facilities. I found a porta-john in a back alley and decided to be cute and run over and bang on the door while she was in there. Well, I take off, step on a brick lying in tall grass and went down harder than a cheerleader on prom night. We’re not talking mere suckage here, we’re talking full blown snowballing. Basically, I destroyed my ankle and wasn’t able to run at all for several weeks. In fact, the trail I set with Jess was the first time I ran in a while and then I ran again at the SH*T AGM. Then I caught a cold. Luckily I had a pre-base before the injuries and the illnesses.

Haystack Dictionary Entry #5

snowballing – n. when a girl or guy gives head to a guy then comes back up and kisses him and spits the cum in the persons mouth.

Anyways, I guess what I’m trying to say is, 30 miles on my first week back isn’t so bad. Next week I bump up the mileage a bit, do my first “long run” and start to incorporate speed drills, weight training and core exercises. I am doing a build up to December 3 where I will run a time trial half marathon (Gar Williams Half Marathon sponsored by the DC roadrunners). At that time I will set my marathon goals in stone. I will refrain from posting my goal time for the marathon because I do not want to defend it against those who thinks 1) I shouldn’t even have a goal time for my first marathon and 2) that the goal time is too ambitious to begin with. The half on the 3rd will justify my goals (if not I will readjust).

But enough about running. This weekend I am planning to go on a hiking excursion through the jungles of Kauai. This is the island they filmed Jurassic Park on. I can’t wait to see the dinosaurs! On Sunday I am going to go surfing and body boarding. On the north shore of the island is where that teenage surfer Bethany Hamilton got her arm bite off by that shark a year ago. I will not be surfing on the north shore, them local surf rats scare me.

(Re)discovering My Inner Kenyan

Aloha! That’s Hawaiianese for hello… Anyways, I’m out here in sunny Hawaii catching some rays, beach combin’ for some hotties and getting some serious running in. I’m treating this business trip like the running camp I attended back in high school. This means concentrating on the miles, eating properly and getting my sleep. Of course there is that whole work bit, but it is what it is and I’m working around it best I can.

Yesterday was a “doubles” day. This means waking up early. I woke up at 4 am… well, it was 4 here, but it felt like 10… cause body said it was 10, cause that’s the time it was back home. Well I tried to sleep for a couple more hours, but finally got up and laced up my running shoes. The weather was perfect early in the morning. It would have been the perfect run, except for the whole wind blowing around 30 MPH on the stretch of road I was running on. I put in 4ish miles

I went out for a second “20 minute” run in the late afternoon. In this type of run I head out for about 12 minutes at an easy pace and then haul ass on the way back trying to finish up at 20 minutes or faster.

Today I went for an easy 4 miles. As I headed out I saw some nasty rain clouds coming towards me. On this island it can go from sunny to torrential downpour back to sunny all within 30 minutes. Fortunately I lucked out and made it back to my condo before the sky broke open. My legs already feel dead, but a good dead, the type where you know you are waking em up after a long slumber.

The Trip Begins, See ya Next Fall

The adventure begins

Finally, the day has arrived; time to take a trip to Hawaii (for work). I get to the airport with no issues and check into my flight. I fly into San Francisco and then catch a flight to Lihue airport in Kauai. I decide to see what type of layover I had and pulled out my itinerary that I printed out last night. Damn, talk about getting donkey punched. Let’s see, I land in San Francisco at 1:04 and the flight to Lihue takes off at 1:10. How the hell did I overlook this clusterfuck?

Haystack Dictionary Entry #3

donkey punch – n. Punching a chick in the back of the head while banging her from behind at the point of orgasm. Shock of the punch is rumored to tightenen the vaginal muscles to enhance the orgasmic pleasure. Not recommended as punch to the back of the head is generally NOt a good thing and could result in you getting your ass kicked.

Haystack Dictionary Entry #4

Clusterfuck n. - An orgy of butt ugly people.

I call my company travel agent to try to figure out what the hell was going. I didn’t remember this being an issue when I looked at my itinerary when I first had the reservations made. Apparently what happened was that the airlines decided to move up my Lihue flight a couple of days ago. Then my travel agency dropped the ball and didn’t notify me by phone like they are contractually supposed to do under the agreement my company has with them. Yes, I looked it up, cause I’m anal like that. I could have changed flight plans, but I decided nothing would be decided so I figured I’d risk it and take the San Francisco flight and hope there would be a delay on the other side.

Once I got to my seat I realized that I would be sitting next to this cute gal (score!) and this older lady who had an oxygen tube she was using to assist her breathing (ok… weird).
Unfortunately, within 30 minutes I noticed something bout this gal, specifically her gag reflex. The barfing commenced soon after. What is it with women puking when they are around me (that’s right, I threw that underhanded softball, come on, lets see what y’all got!)

We started talking near the end of the flight, I take it her stomach was starting to settle a bit. I found out her name, found out that she was working as an Au Pair and was only on week one of her year long deployment to the states. The chat was enjoyable and I was able to score her digits.

The plan landed in San Francisco 15 minutes early and I was able to make my next flight… unfortunately my luggage didn’t quite make it. Oh well… I got it eventually.

Stupid is as Stupid Does

Last night was a solid reminder that sometimes I push myself too hard. I’ve been fighting a nice little cold which, needless to say, has been making work not so fun lately. I starting feeling icky after the SH*T AGM when I crashed on the couch of SH*T U GAY’s place. It was freaking freezing down in the basement where I was sleeping.

Anyways, instead of taking a day off to recoup, I, like the studmuffin that I am, decided to press on with work. Of course I was hopped up on drugs and thus, walking in a daze most of the time, but I was determined to be there. Why? Well, as mentioned in the last post I am on my way to Hawaii and there is a ton of crap that needs to be done before then.

Haystack Dictionary Entry #2
Studmuffin – n. A man’s man, a guy whose acquaintance women keep for those times when only masculine company will do.

Example: Wendy keeps her studmuffin around for times when she is horny and major scrumpin is needed.

(Used for sarcastic purposes in the paragraph above)

So to recap, I am sick, hopped up on drugs and ultra-stressed at work. So, what do I decide to do last night? Run at the hash of course. Not my brightest idea, but at least I took it easy. Unfortunately, being sick really did a job on my trail skills as I was off trail more times than not. So much so that Monday asked me if I was trying to run extra miles. For the most part, last night’s trail should have been obvious but I was lost, plus I was sweating like a fat man running after the ice cream truck.

I ended my evening early. I stood around the circle, bought some red “drink strong” bracelets from the hab and didn’t stay too long at the ononon. I said my goodbyes to by peeps and wished Pubic Housing luck at the Marine Corp marathon. She is gonna do awesome there with as much preparation as she put in.

Well, I need to finish some work related stuff, get home, pack, get a haircut, eat dinner and then get some sleep. Tomorrow is a long day.

Quick Intro
Name: Dr. P. Haystack
Occupation: Booze Hound and Runner
Age: 27
Sex: Yes please
Hometown: Alexandria, VA
Organizations
Hash House Harrier (DC Area)
Club 10-56 Relay for Life Charity Fund Raiser Team
DC Road Runners Club

Now on to the non-boring crap:

Well, I finally went ahead and did it. I sent in the entry form for my first marathon. I have a simple goal, sub 3 hrs. People have told me that my goal should be to just finish… well that is my goal… to just finish… under 3 hrs. Well, that’s my stretch goal really, my ultimate goal is to hit a Boston Marathon Qualifier which is like 3:09, 7 minute per mile pace. I ran a 5K a couple of weeks ago at the Paul VI Runfest and posted an 18:10 (5:50 per mile pace) off of little training. I am scheduled to run a ½ marathon in December, where I will reevaluate my goals.

I am lucky in that my work sends me on travel on occasion and on this occasion I am getting sent to Hawaii for four weeks. I leave this Saturday. I’ll be on the isle of Kauai, a beautiful island with absolutely no night life what-so-ever. This is great since it will give me four weeks to jumpstart my training. You see, Kauai is a couples honeymoon island and they don’t have any night life cause they assume everyone there will be spending their time like any good newlywed and be in their condos and hotels scrumpin’ away.

Haystack Dictionary Entry #1
Scrumpin’ – v. To Fuck like Rabbits

Luckily, I’ll be off Kauai for a week and hitting Oahu, particularly Honolulu and Waikiki. The night life there is jumping, the women are hot and the drinks are cheap. There are also a couple chapters of the Hash House Harriers on Oahu that I want to hook up with. The Hash House Harriers are a “drinking club with a running problem” and I belong to a DC chapter of the group. The nice thing about the various chapters of this organization is that just about anywhere I go I have people to instantly hang out with… except for when I travel to Kauai that is.

Speaking of travel, I really need to get my ass in gear and start packing. Tomorrow I am going to hang out with the Hash and on Friday I’ll probably do a happy hour with KP, so tonight, I must pack!